EXCLUSIVE! INTERVIEW WITH A SKUNK:
So how long have you been a skunk?
"All my life, really - I started out 3 years ago, and the usual length of a skunk's life is like only 5 years or so. My Dad was 12 when he passed, but that was somewhat unusual from what I've heard in the den."
What are your goals and opportunities for your life?
"Well, actually I get this buildup of oil in my butt and so sometimes, like everyone, I need that "release", ya know? So like, I'm looking for as many dogs as possible to stink up. I find dogs to be just so gullible, they always take the bait to check me out. My "goal", if that's what you want to call it, is to skunk-out at LEAST 10 dozen dogs before I go."
What's your favorite meal?
"Oh I like to eat insects and larvae, earthworms, grubs, small rodents, lizards, salamanders, frogs, snakes, birds, moles and eggs. Sometimes I have a beer with my berries, roots, leaves, grasses, fungi or nuts, depends what's available. I also like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse but was only there once, GREAT fried rodent with applesauce and fungus!."
Is there anyone you'd like to meet that's famous?
"ABSOLUTELY! There's a skunk named "Vicious Victor", he's my like "hero". I would love to meet that guy but he has guards and all of that so it's been tough. I sent him an email, but he's in Europe right now, so I'll have to wait until he's back in California."
Well, I know you have to run now, so I wanted to say "thank you" for the interview.
"Hey, man, my pleasure! I so rarely have the TIME away from skunking dogs that it's a real pleasure to have a moment to kind of let loose. Although I admit, I let loose quite often anyway! You got that right? My funny? I just crack myself up!"